Sometimes you just have to laugh!

I received the following spam mail today:

Dear beloved friend,
 
I know that this letter may be a very big surprise to you, I came across your email contact from my personal search and I instructed the doctor here in this hospital to help me email you and I believe that you will be honest to fulfil my final wish before I will die. I am Madam Gloria Caldwell from LONDON, I am 65 years old, I am deaf and suffering from a long time cancer of the breast, which also affected my brain. From all indication my condition is really deteriorating, and my doctors have courageously advised me that I may not live beyond the next two months, this is because the cancer stage has reached a critical stage. 
 
I was brought up in motherless baby’s home, and was married to my late husband for twenty years without a child. My husband and I are true Christians, but quite unfortunately, he died in a fatal motor accident. Since his death I decided not to re-marry, I sold all my inherited belongings and deposited all the sum of $3.2million dollars with a Bank. 
 
Presently, this money is still in the BANK, and the management just wrote me as the Legitimate beneficiary to come forward to receive the money after keeping it for so long or i issue a letter of authorization to somebody to receive it on my behalf since I can not come over as a result of my illness, or they get it confiscated. Presently, I'm with my laptop in a hospital where I have been undergoing treatment.
 
I have since lost my ability to talk and my doctors have told me that I have only a few months to live. It is my last wish to see that this money is invested in any organization of your choice and distributed each year among the charity organization, the poor and the motherless baby's home where I come from. 
 
I want your good humanitarian, to also use t his money to fund churches, orphanages and widows around. I must let you know that this was a very hard decision, but I had to take a bold step towards this issue because I have no further option. I hope you will help see my last wishes come true. As soon as I receive your reply I shall give you the contact of the BANK. I will also issue you a letter of authority, which will prove that you are the new beneficiary of my funds.

 
Please assure me that you will act accordingly as I stated herein. 
Hope to hear from you soonest. 
waiting your reply

 
yours in Christ,
Mrs Gloria Caldwell

Lol. I can't believe that people fall for this stuff. Sadly they must, otherwise these scumbags would just give up sending these emails! 

Sorry Gloria. I won't be responding. Instead I will make fun of you and your deaf-mute brain cancer ass.  First of all, you write worse than some the 12 year old hoods in my school. And that is bad. I suggest getting a better translator program for whatever language it is that you Somali Pirates speak.  Or learning English. 

But let me ask a few questions! First of all, how did you come up with my name in your "personal search"? You do the gaming community proud to know that you include us in your exhaustive efforts to find the right candidate for your millions.

But also, how the heck do you know that I am the right candidate? You decided from all of the possible candidates that could receive your cash that I was the perfect choice? How? Based on what? The fact that I make videos teaching people how to paint Blood Angels? 

What kind of hosiptal are you in where doctors take time out of their day to help patients write emails? Man that Universal Health Care in the UK is something!  I wish I lived in LONDON.  At least I know where to go to die. I'm sure your courageous doctors were right with their summation that you will be dead in the next two months because your cancer stage has reached it's "critical" stage.  (Sort of like this post)

I have to say that you have me a little confused. How the heck did a motherless baby have a home? But I have to say you did well for yourself! The homeless daughter of a motherless whore, finding some rich dude to marry at 45 and living the good life. You would do Little Orpan Annie proud! But I question the callousness with which you refer to the recent death of your husband of 20 years! I mean, being a true christian you must have loved him right? For you to so matter of factly report on his condition in a horribly ungrammatically correct email to a complete stranger makes me wonder about just what kind of person you are! Especially if you are leaving the honor up to ME to see that your money be given away to churches and babies.  You tart.

And are you daft? You inherited an estate, and sold it off? I guess you really did love that husband!  Man 20 years of lurking just to cash in when he died. You are like Lex Luther! (New Superman Movie reference) 

Now, I am totally confused by an entire paragraph of your letter:

"Presently, this money is still in the BANK, and the management just wrote me as the Legitimate beneficiary to come forward to receive the money after keeping it for so long or i issue a letter of authorization to somebody to receive it on my behalf since I can not come over as a result of my illness, or they get it confiscated. Presently, I'm with my laptop in a hospital where I have been undergoing treatment."
While England must have great health care, what kind of bank would confiscate your money?  And you are not the legitimate beneficiary, if you deposited the money into the bank, you are the OWNER. It is your money. They are not going to write you a letter threatening to confiscate it. Obviously some one of your stature should have a lawyer that could tell you the same thing, or in fact, write you a will and find you a new beneficiary? And they would definitely not print the fact that you are almost dead of cancer and they are holding it against you! 

I guess I am lucky that despite your loss of vocal prowess, brain function and the ability to hear, your fingers work fine and you have the use of your laptop, otherwise I would never have had the pleasure of reading this.

Thankfully for me, you found me, and were able to type.  I understand that you cannot talk or hear, so of course we will never speak, but I will definitely send you my bank information and social security number right away and be looking for the 3 million bucks deposited shortly.
Thank you.
Honestly guys, if any one is stupid enough to fall for these, they deserve to have their bank accounts emptied.  
Jawaballs