Zombie Apocalypse: Setting the rules.

So, as has already been pointed out, many people have many theories... Some published, some just lurking. In the end, I want to point out that I am writing this stuff for fun. I am not trying to compete with, contest or rewrite any books already published on the matter... Just having fun! So I don't really care for what some other author has written. I have not read the books and this stuff is purely the product of drunken ramblings that have been bouncing around my friends since the 80s with The Return of the Living Dead.

That said I have a few things to discuss. First of all, I never said that a Sledge Hammer would be an ideal weapon. It is a very UNideal weapon, except in a very few unique circumstances. I will take this opportunity to reaffirm my opinion that bladed weapons are NOT great weapons for fighting zombies. Yes, a machete is capable of hacking through an arm. But I believe that a machete has just as much chance of getting lodged in a thick upper arm bone as cleaving through it. Also, what if your swing lands in the shoulder, cleaving into and getting caught in the collar bones. A machete or any similar weapon can be good, but has just as much chance of sucking really bad, so in my previous post, I discussed what I believed ideal weapons for the casual guy trying to survive a zombie disaster.

Some guys brought up the fact that simply breaking zombie legs will not do the trick because zombies will continue to come after you. You are right about that... simply taking out a zombies legs will reduce it to a hungry crawling mewling bag of death... but that's fine! Let it drag its body after you. The point is that you are NOT fighting zombies. Hacking them apart piece by piece with a machete will not do. You have limited endurance, zombies do not. Put them down on the ground, and get away. They will no follow you once you are out of their range. Knock em down with a good solid pipe, or bat to the shin and move on. Or here is where that sledge hammer comes in... or the Axe, though I am not a huge fan of them. Some one with the light weapon takes out the legs, and his buddy follows up with a sledge to the head when you absolutely need to finish the job. Or hell, a sledge to the shoulder... It is probably an easier shot, you dont need to hack off the arm.. just destroy it.

Bottom line. Put em down, get away.

For the rest of this, I feel it is important to set up ground rules in MY zombie world. You have 3 types of zombies. The Original Dawn of the Dead, the remake Dawn of the Dead, and the 28 Days Later type. I include the last because they are zombie like, and fit the scenario, though have their very own set of rules.

So DoD orginal vs DoDr. Slow shambling things, vs dead old ladies running like olympic sprinters. In my world, zombies are some where in between. They are not super fast, though they will be as fast as the body was before it died. A 300 pound woman is NOT going to get up and do a 9.9 hundred meter and run down varsity high school football players. They are limited by flesh and bone. An arm full of broken bones cannot extend. Rotten as they may be, an arm with severed muscles cannot extend.

We will simply say that the muscles worked as they did before death, however, they do not build up lactic acid, or become exhausted, therefore a zombie can maintain its maximum speed indefinitely.

Zombies hearts do not pump, so zombies do not spurt blood. Though coagulated blood may ooze from open zombie wounds.

One can have sexual relations with a Zombie... but why would you?

Zombie bites pass on whatever it is that turns one into a zombie. The mutagen is treated as a virus. It has no cure or antidote, and will spread thruoghout the body, killing it. Do not get bitten. If you are bitten, hacking off the affected area before the blood spreads can stop you from becoming a zombie. So, if you are bitten in the forearm, you have a heartbeat or two to hack off your own arm at the elbow.

Zombies do not think or problem solve. They will not turn a door knob, but will attempt to bash the door down.

Zombies are motivated by an irrational and unnecessary desire to feed. Zombies do not need nourishment. Feeding on living human tissue satiates this need, and is the only source of "comfort" a zombie feels, but this only happens while the zombie is actually feeding. In other words, a zombie will stop to eat a victim and leave other living people alone. Once the zombie is finished consuming the living tissue, it will again go on the hunt for more tissue. A zombie will only eat said tissue while the tissue still alive. As we know, human tissues will continue living after the "death" of the human for only a few minutes. Cells will continue to live until they run out of Oxygen then die off. (This is a loose application of the laws of nature here guys, we can all just agree that flesh will continue to live until it runs out of Oxygen, at which point it dies. No need to get into arguments about how long various types of flesh can live.)

Zombies eyes work as they did before death. Zombies do not see life force. Blind zombies cannot see. Zombies will have just as hard a time spotting an Army Sniper skulking in a grassy field as a living person. Other zombie senses also work as they did before. Zombies can smell your Body Odor. They can smell your perfume. They can smell your farts. Unless the person had extreme senses, a zombie cannot track by sense. That means you can lose them pretty easily.

Zombies do not have long term memory. They exist on very short term, residual memory. If they see you, they will chase you to the best of their ability. If you turn a corner, they will follow you. If they see you go through a door, they will attempt to follow you through the door. How ever long the zombie remembers why it is trying to get through the door varies, but at some point, the zombie will have no clue why it was trying to do so. It will either continue to bash the door out of spite, pick it's nose, chase some other poor sole who happens by, or just shamble off aimlessly. They will NOT forever attempt to get into a door, or stand outside a place that they "Know" some one went into waiting for you to come out.

Do zombies retain residual "instincts" such as the mall dwellers in DoD? Sure, I can grant that. Zombies may or may not congregate in malls because that is what they used to do. It is possible that a zombie, who in life went to work every day for 30 years at the same place, attempts to go there.

Zombies do not rot. The "Virus" that causes the zombie state stops that process. Just think of it as magic. They reach a state of decay, then that process stops. A zombie standing in a field will still be a zombie standing in a field 300 years from now. However, erosion, weather, wind and all such naturally occuring decomposing elements do take effect. A zombie standing in a field will not last 300 years because the wind will buffet the flesh with sand and dirt and blah blah. You get the point.

Removing a zombies head will kill it. Shooting it in the head will kill it. Freezing a zombies 'dead' brain will kill it. Yes, the brain is dead, but still vital for zombie survival for some reason.

Zombies will freeze in the winter. If a zombies head freezes through, it will cease to be a zombie, and turn into a corpse. When it thaws, it will not reanimate. A nearly frozen zombie can thaw, and still be a zombie, going about making more zombies. Since the act of zombie movement does generate energy, and heat, then it is very hard to actually completely kill a zombie through freezing, though it is possible. But freezing will greatly reduce their ability to move. So, northern climates are ideal for surviving zombies.

Gota go, more to come.


Deo said...

They can smell your farts...lol...
I agree with everything you said...Nice blog!

HuronBH said...

Thank you for setting the ground rules, now I feel we can properly discuss and theorize about the coming Zombie Apocalypse... LOL.

jawaballs said...

:) Now I can finally get to my plans for surviving! Next post.

ElegaicRequiem said...

No bladed weapons. That's why in games you get a bonus for using bludgeoning weapons vs undead. Good to have a reason stated. Keep this up, I enjoy it very much!

ben said...

Greetings old friend, I have a few questions:
1. Do zombies get full? Do they poop? Do they urinate? If we all agree that a zombie has an insatiable need to feed (which I think we all do) we must then consider the consequences.
2. Can zombie's get aids? Eating people is just plain dangerous and zombie aids could be a living societies' only hope.
3. What is death to the undead? What is so special about the "death" of a brain? Why does trauma effect the zombie and not the passage of time? When it it's all said and done, isn't time the true harbinger of death...or anti-death in this instance? I guess my point is if we imagine that a zombie can "die" in the sense that living beings die, than they would need to age and be subject to disease in the same or similar way. See also question 2, zombie aids.

Post a Comment